Five Things Every New Poker Player Must Know
November 16, 2006
You’ve had enough of just watching it on TV and want to get in the game. You’ve spent years going to your local casino, but haven’t gone into the poker room yet. You want to go in, but it’s as intimidating as approaching a hottie at a singles bar. We all prefer acceptance over rejection, but those grumpy poker players look like they’ll turn even surlier if a bumbling newcomer disrupts their game.
But you’re not a total newb. You’ve watched the game on TV; played online a little for “pretend” money; figured out what a blind bet is and don’t need “flop, turn, river” explained to you.
In other words, you’re as ready as you’ll ever be. Time to suck it up and dive in there.
Look on the bright side: you’re much more prepared for your first visit than the millions of players who came before you, before the internet and before televised tournaments.
First off, don’t be afraid that you might disrupt “their” game. The game is there for everybody. It’s as much “yours” as it is “theirs”, no matter how much “they” may disagree with that notion.
So go ahead and dive in. Here are five tips to help ease the transition:
1) Learn how to handle your cards and chips. That’s all that the other players want from you. They don’t care if you’re good at the game or terrible—they probably prefer terrible. You can win every chip on the table, and no one will get upset, but if you keep fumbling with the cards and chips every time it’s your turn, and slowing up the game, you’ll hear about it.
Here’s all you need to know about the subject:
- When you get your cards, look at them ONCE. That’s it. You don’t need to go back and look at them after the flop; they didn’t change. When you look at them, don’t think, “King-Queen off-suit.” Think, King of clubs, Queen of hearts. King of clubs, Queen of hearts. I typed it twice, because you should say it twice, in your head. Do that and you’ll almost never look back during a hand.
It’s also important to handle the cards in such a way that you don’t expose them to your neighbors. You’ll see some people pick up the corner of their cards, and pinch it hard, so that just the index is visible. DON’T DO THIS. It creases the cards.
It’s so easy to do it the right way: Cover most of the cards with your left hand. GENTLY peel back the index corner with your right thumb. No pinching it up, no snapping it back. When you lift it, just leave it up long enough to look at it. ONE SECOND is plenty of time to recognize what your cards are. There’s no need to look at them for 5-10 seconds. That would only increase the likelihood that someone else sees them.
- Handling your chips is even easier than handling your cards, but beginners really seem to struggle with this. I understand you can’t pick up a stack, and start cutting out piles of five rapid-fire. We’re not expecting you to do that, so don’t worry about that.
Here’s what you want to avoid:
Player A bets $8.
Player B raises $8 more to $16.
Now we get to player C, the newbie. He starts counting out 16 chips, one at a time. It takes forever.
The game has come to a stop, and the whole table is counting with him, “7, 8, 9, 10, 11...”
When he finally gets to 16, he lifts his head, and notices for the first time that everyone is looking at him. He then announces, “I call”.
DON’T BE THAT GUY!
Call first, and then you can spend all the time you need getting your 16 chips out there. It’s the same thing, except the game doesn’t come to a halt every time it’s your turn.
Easy so far, right? Like everything else in life, if you’re not sure what to do, just look around. Find someone who looks like he knows what he’s doing and do what he does.
2) The dealer is NOT there to protect you, so protect yourself at all times. It is a common mistake for a new player to think the dealer is an expert at what he or she does. Sadly, this just isn’t true. Most poker dealers are grossly incompetent. (Before I start getting angry letters, let me point out that I was a poker dealer myself for a while, and a good one.) A sad reality of the current poker boom is that the demand for competent dealers far outstrips the supply. Many of these openings are being filled by people who’ve never heard of poker.
Sometimes the dealer will take your cards, and put them in the muck (the discard pile). You never wanted to fold and say, “Hey, give me back my cards.” But he has no way of knowing which cards were yours. They’re gone, they’re not coming back and no, you can’t get a refund of the money you’ve put into the pot thus far. It is your responsibility to protect your cards, even from the dealer.
Another example: You call a bet on the river and the bettor tells you it’s a flush. The dealer looks at it and confirms it so you throw your trips away. Then somebody says, “That’s not a flush.” Sure enough, it’s four diamonds and a heart. But your cards are gone, so you can’t prove you had a better hand and he gets the money.
Don’t rely on the dealer for anything! Hold onto your cards until you see, with your own eyes, that you are beat.
3) Pay attention! Again, all that your opponents want from you is that you not slow up the game. You don’t need to ask if it’s your turn, EVERY time it’s your turn. Find the first guy to your right who has cards; you go after him. Don’t wait for the dealer to prompt you every time.
If you’re not sure whose turn it is, look at the dealer. Don’t ask him, just look. Like a weathervane, a dealer’s nose is always pointing at the player whose turn it is. If that nose is pointing right at you, it’s your turn.
4) Don’t let go of your cards, until you get the money! This one is heartbreaking. Newbie bets on the river and his only opponent folds. Newbie wins! This hand is over, so he tosses his cards to the dealer, sits back and waits for the chips to be pushed his way. Then he hears, “I call.” What? That guy with the beard called? I didn’t even know he had cards! Tough luck. He has cards and you don’t. He wins. If you have a winner, don’t let go of the cards until you get the money!
I once had a dealer who wouldn’t push me the pot until I gave her the cards. I politely refused. We were at a brief impasse, when I assured her that I would return the cards as soon as I got the pot. She didn’t like it, not doing things her way (the wrong way, I might add), but she played along. Good thing for her, because I was prepared to sit there all night if necessary. I learned this one the hard way: Don’t let go of your cards until you get the money!
I’ve said that three times now. For good reason.
5) Don’t be a monkey! Since the dawn of the televised poker era, acting like a trash-talking streetballer has become an epidemic in the cardrooms of this country. I hear people—grown people—saying things and behaving in such a manner that I’m quite certain they would never do in any other setting.
It’s quite common, as the new guy, to emulate the people around you. Monkey see, monkey do. They’re swearing, they’re talking junk, they’re throwing their cards at the dealer and you start to think that it’s acceptable. IT’S NOT. If you have any self-respect at all, you won’t behave this way.
You don’t throw your groceries at the checkout person. You don’t throw drinks at the bartender. Why would you even consider throwing cards at someone?
You don’t use profanity in front of old ladies at the library or at a restaurant. Why would you consider doing it in a poker room?
These things are senseless, when you think about it. But monkeys don’t think. They see, they do without a thought. Don’t be a monkey!
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To sum up:
1. Learn to handle your cards and chips.
2. The dealer is NOT there to protect you; protect yourself at all times.
3. Pay attention!
4. Don’t let go of your cards, until you get the money!
5. Don’t be a monkey.
Now you’re ready. Don’t let that hottie at the bar intimidate you. Take a deep breath, go in there and act like you’ve been there before.